Jeff Foxworthy Quotes, Sayings, Remarks, Thoughts and Speeches
Jeff Foxworthy Quotes and Sayings
- 1
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 2
Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 3
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 4
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 5
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 6
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 7
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 8
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 9
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 10
I know God is real.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 11
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 12
I really don't require a whole lot in life.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 13
I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 14
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 15
I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 16
I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 17
I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 18
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 19
If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 20
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 21
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 22
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 23
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 24
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 25
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 26
It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 27
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 28
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 29
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 30
My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 31
Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 32
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 33
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 34
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 35
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 36
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 37
The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 38
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 39
There's no down time any more.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 40
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 41
What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 42
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 43
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 44
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 45
You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
- 46
You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.
Jeff Foxworthy | Refcard PDF ↑
